The Contradiction of Depression: Holding space for conflicting emotions.
I want to disappear, but I also want to eat tteokbokki.

Book summary
by Baek Sehee
Conversations About Depression, Anxiety, and the Small Joys That Keep Us Going
A young woman''s conversations with her psychiatrist about depression, anxiety, and the small joys of life
Topics
Read this book in small sections to absorb the emotional weight and insights. Use Readever to journal your responses to Sehee's conversations and reflect on your own mental health experiences. After each therapy session transcript, pause to consider the insights and coping strategies discussed. Use the AI to research specific mental health concepts and find additional resources if needed.
Things to know before reading
I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki is Baek Sehee's intimate and honest account of her therapy sessions dealing with depression and anxiety. Through transcribed conversations with her psychiatrist, Sehee explores the complexities of mental health, the struggle to find meaning, and the small moments of joy—like eating tteokbokki—that make life worth living. The book offers a raw, relatable look at the everyday experience of mental illness.
*I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki* reveals the complex, often contradictory experience of living with depression and anxiety.
I want to disappear, but I also want to eat tteokbokki.
Healing happens in the space between two people who are trying to understand each other.
Sometimes the most radical act is to eat tteokbokki when you feel like dying.
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This summary gives you access to Sehee's vulnerable conversations about depression, anxiety, and the search for meaning. You'll gain insights into the therapeutic process, learn practical coping strategies, and find comfort in the shared experience of mental health struggles. The book provides both validation for those experiencing similar challenges and understanding for those wanting to support loved ones.
Key idea 1
I want to disappear, but I also want to eat tteokbokki.
Sehee explores the fundamental contradiction of depression—the simultaneous experience of wanting to escape life while still finding small pleasures and connections that make life worth living. She learns to hold space for these conflicting emotions without judgment, recognizing that both can coexist and inform each other.
Remember
Key idea 2
Healing happens in the space between two people who are trying to understand each other.
The book documents the evolving relationship between Sehee and her psychiatrist, showing how trust, consistency, and genuine care create the conditions for healing. The therapeutic relationship becomes a model for healthy connection and a source of stability in Sehee's life.
Remember
Key idea 3
Sometimes the most radical act is to eat tteokbokki when you feel like dying.
Sehee discovers that recovery often happens through small, daily practices and ordinary pleasures rather than dramatic transformations. The book emphasizes the importance of noticing and appreciating small moments of joy, connection, and comfort in the midst of struggle.
Remember
I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki is Baek Sehee's intimate memoir of her experience with depression and anxiety, told through transcribed conversations with her psychiatrist. The book provides a raw, honest look at the day-to-day reality of living with mental illness, from the overwhelming despair to the small moments of hope and connection. Sehee's conversations with her psychiatrist cover a wide range of topics, including self-worth, relationships, work stress, family dynamics, and the search for meaning. Through these dialogues, she gradually develops understanding, coping strategies, and self-compassion. The book's title captures the central paradox of her experience—the simultaneous desire to escape life and the small pleasures that make it worth continuing.
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Sehee's writing is remarkably honest, vulnerable, and relatable. She captures the complex emotional landscape of depression with precision and compassion, avoiding both clinical detachment and sentimental oversimplification. The transcribed therapy format creates an intimate, immediate reading experience that feels both personal and universal. Critical Reception: I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki has been widely praised for its authenticity and its contribution to destigmatizing mental health conversations. Readers have found comfort and validation in Sehee's honest portrayal of depression, while mental health professionals have appreciated its accurate representation of the therapeutic process. The book has become an important voice in contemporary mental health literature.
Anyone experiencing or supporting someone with depression or anxiety
People interested in mental health and therapy processes
Readers who appreciate honest, vulnerable memoirs
Those seeking validation and comfort in shared mental health experiences
Mental health professionals and students
Baek Sehee is a South Korean writer and editor who has worked in the publishing industry. She began writing about her mental health experiences as a way to process her own struggles with depression and anxiety, and to create connection with others facing similar challenges. I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki began as private therapy notes that Sehee eventually decided to share publicly. The book's honest portrayal of mental health struggles has resonated deeply with readers in South Korea and internationally, making it a surprise bestseller and an important contribution to mental health literature. Sehee continues to write about mental health, relationships, and the search for meaning in everyday life.
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I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki offers a profoundly honest and comforting look at the experience of living with depression and anxiety. Sehee's conversations with her psychiatrist demonstrate that healing is often a gradual process built on small insights, consistent support, and the courage to keep showing up for life's small pleasures. The book provides both validation for those struggling and understanding for those who want to support them.
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